


A Deep Reflection And A Thank you

by Green90



Category: Mahou Shoujo Madoka Magika | Puella Magi Madoka Magica
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Character Death, Crying, Drama & Romance, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Kaname Madoka Dies, Original Character Death(s), Past Character Death, Puella Magi Madoka Magica References, Puella Magi Madoka Magica Spoilers, Regret, Sad Ending, Sad and Happy, Sad with a Happy Ending, Teen Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-15
Updated: 2020-12-15
Packaged: 2021-03-10 19:13:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,343
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28092213
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Green90/pseuds/Green90
Summary: Sayaka's thoughts and reflections after Madoka's death.
Relationships: Kaname Madoka/Miki Sayaka
Comments: 2
Kudos: 6





	A Deep Reflection And A Thank you

_I shouldn't have said those things to you..._

_I shouldn't have scared you like that..._

_I shouldn't have cursed you like that..._

_You were only trying to help..._

_I know that things became under pressure..._

_I know that I couldn't understand things.._

_It's barely untouchable right..?_

_Yet I pushed you away..._

_You came back trying to help me..._

_Even though you stood there watching everything on my shoulders..._

_What you witnessed was horror..._

_You couldn't bare seeing me like this..._

_I made you cry for me multiple times..._

_Here I am wanting to embrace you..._

_To make you feel sane..._

_But_ _I blew that by tormenting you and shouted at you with anger..._

_I wanted to make up with everything I've said..._

_But yet I don't know if you're willing to forgive me..._

_I feel lonely without you..._

_I didn't mean to say those painful words..._

_I didn't want you to stay away from me..._

_I didn't want you to stop following me..._

_But you feared that I might harm you..._

_Is that right..?_

_With all the pain I caused you.._

_Yet you decided to come back and help me..._

_I still feel this guilt invading my heart..._

_You became a magical girl, trying to fight in my defense.._

_You sacrificed your own youth and soul to bring justice and protected me..._

_You didn't mind if that hurted you.._

_You kept fighting and fighting until everything was okay.._

_You embraced me with your warmth and love to make me feel sane again...like you've always do..._

_I want to repay you for everything you did for me even though I hurted you..._

_All this time I was crying over a guy who never saw me around and pushed me a side just to focus on what he wants.._

_I was never thanked by him.._

_I never recieved a call from him to let me know that he was getting out of the hospital.._

_All this time I was worthless to him.._

_He fooled me..._

_I even let Hitomi get to him first.._

_I don't blame her..._

_But I don't know why I'm angry at her.._

_She cherishes our friendship_

_And she still does..._

_I should've been more honest with her.._

_I shouldn't even hate her for it..._

_I don't want her to blame herself for whatever happens to me.._

_It's not her fault..._

_It's mine..._

_All mine.._

_I couldn't understand what I did wrong..._

_All that was left of me was despair.._

_I hurted those around me and became an ignorant, heartless bitch._

_I thought it was over.._

_._

_._

_._

_._

_Madoka...._

_But you- you saved me from becoming a witch and let out that gruesome roar and fought all those despairs away from me.._

_I didn't think you were to do that.._

_After everything that has happened..._

_I want to repay you..._

_I want to feel you again..._

_I want that to happen.._

_You were a very good friend..._

_A good friend I turned my back on..._

_I still hate myself for ever pushing you away, making you cry, and hurt you..._

_I want you to call me out and protect me from this darkness I'm living in..._

_I know it's too much to ask..._

_I just can't anymore.._

_I'm all alone and I can't think.._

_I don't want to live there anymore..._

_Will you take me away with you...?_

_Will you do that for me...?_

_Will you save me from this hellhole...?_

_I want to apologize for everything I've done until now....._

_I know you can't hear me..._

_Its hard to accept the fact that you're gone..._

_I barely even slept.._

_When you fought Walpurgistnacht..._

_I cried..._

_I cried..._

_I wanted to protect you from that monster but I stood there doing nothing but watch you fight fiercefully at that thing.._

_It could've been me..._

_It could've been me... Fighting and defending you....._

_But I didn't because I was a coward..._

_I watched how badly you were beaten but still you aimed back at that monster..._

_You didn't wince a single scratch..._

_Its like you don't feel anything anymore and just continue doing your job..._

_I watched everything in terror.._

_Crying & crying... Telling you to stop.._

_But you didn't hear me and continued to fight recklessly... Not wanting to be distracted.._

_Is this how you felt when I fought the other witch at that time...?_

_Is this the pain you felt when watching me fight that witch recklessly...?_

_Is this the fear you felt_ _when I couldn't stop slashing everything around me?_

_Is that how you suffered with that scene being replayed in your mind...?_

_._

_._

_._

_._

_You suffered badly haven't you..._

_You couldn't even breathe when you saw those actions being recorded in your mind..._

_I'm pretty sure you replayed over and over the fact you couldn't look at me anymore..._

_I can see why you couldn't anymore.._

_Even though it took days for me to acknowledge your doings..._

_I can finally say how happy I was.._

_How happy I had such a good friend...who had the courage to talk and comfort me.._

_You feared of losing me that day.._

_I thought I went over the rails..._

_but now it happened the opposite..._

_I lost you..._

_I lost you in my arms..._

_That night at the bus station.. When I said so many horrible things..._

_You wanted me to stop right..?_

_Word after word hit you then... All you did was cry.... cry... not even daring to look at me..._

_I can see why it hurts me..._

_Because I'm in the same position where you stood..._

_Here I am.. Being all depressed.. Wanting to free myself from this curse and just go..._

_But I couldn't..._

_I want to continue this precious legacy you left behind.._

_This is a way of giving you my appreciation... My thanks for what you've done for me ever since I git out of control..._

_You're in heaven right...?_

_I can tell you're watching us over and over..._

_I want you to keep watching us..._

_I may be sad and depressed but I promise I'll be more happy..._

_This chance you've given me is a precious gift that I won't throw away..._

_I want you to be proud of me..._

_I failed to protect you... I've broken multiple promises... I get that.._

_But I swear I'll make it up by doing what's right._

_I promise to get along with Homura & Kyoko.. Well... Actually Kyoko and I are friends now... But.. I don't know how to approach to Homura.. _

_She's a lone girl right? There's something mysterious about her but... All I know that she was very protective of you..._

_I don't know where is she now... Maybe she's at her appartment... I don't know... But I'll do my best..._

_With these last thoughts I have of you.._

_Madoka... I know its too sudden.. And everything became crazy ever since we first began to encounter lots of Magical girl stuff...._

_To think you and I were to have a normal life... It didn't happen that way.._

_But... All I want to say is..._

_I love you Madoka... I really love you..._

_I don't know how you would react to that. You might start coming up that didn't I love Kyousuke..and other things_

_My answer to that is..._

_I'm over him. I don't really care anymore... I mean as long as he's happy with someone else. I'm happy for him... I used to love him... But to realize that he broke my heart and all... I don't need him.. I mean I'll still listen to his violin once and a while but... I prefer not go the path where it strucked me hard._

_I love you Madoka and that won't change..._

_That's all of my feelings for you..._

_Once I'm out of this place... I can't wait to see you again..._

_So... Wait for me okay? It may be a while but just wait a little longer until my time is up.._

_We'll meet again.. My truely best friend and partner._

_Thank you for everything you've done for me..._

_- **Sayaka Miki**_

**Author's Note:**

> Welp My second MadoSaya story so please note that I will be writing more MadoSaya in the future.


End file.
